Sunday, January 20, 2008

I Thought, I Asked and I Wondered

I decided to get rid of my "baggies" and among the first thing on my list was to getting rid of old diaries. Sad but that's reality.
As I was flipping through the pages, I came across this particular poem that was written a along time ago, which made me wondering. It needed a closure..

I thought, I asked and I wondered

I found me…so I thought
Then I lost it, never thought would find it again..
But I did…so I thought!

Is it really me who I found…so I wondered
Is that what I want …so I asked
Is it going to stay forever…so I wondered, again

For what I’ve found, I have no regrets
And would hold on to it for a long time..
Will I, so I wonder?


Today, I found the perfect closure to the poem..…

But I’ve failed
I could not hold on to the real me,
I really thought I could
As what seems so right, was simply wrong,
What seems so good, was just ugly,
And what seems so real, was just an illusion.
So I thought, asked and wondered…
What game has god played?

3 comments:

CHARIS said...

Or rather, what game has the devil played, in deceiving you? Disillusionment is usually the catalyst for change, for we do not want to live in the world of illusion, sweet though it may seem to be. The important thing is that you mustn't let it overwhelm you with bitterness. Don't give up in your pursuit of self-discovery!

Ps: I'm looking forward to reading a little more of your personal struggles, and how you managed to be the person you are today. I think there are many of us out there who can draw some inspiration from you :)

WY said...

Hi, I found your blog by chance today and read a couple of posting. insightful in some, and just plain honesty and wit in others. keep it up.

ps: i lived in balakong too!. lol

shubasini said...

Dear charis,

Principal is what shapes someone’s life, but when that principal fails upon us one day, there is nothing left in life, nothing to talk about and nothing to look forward or the past. I simply woke the next day not remembering my past. It was never the game of neither devil nor god. All I know is that what I did was just simply reflects. And by doing so, I hardly had a chance to live my life, but then today, even reflects didn’t matter at all. Nothing matters. Sorry to disappoint you.

Dear rational thinker,

Glad to know I have a blog fan.
That life huh! Simply the truth…
but sometimes, even that get me to trouble…ha ha ha…if you read my first blog entry you would understand…