I Thought, I Asked and I Wondered

I decided to get rid of my "baggies" and among the first thing on my list was to getting rid of old diaries. Sad but that's reality.

As I was flipping through the pages, I came across this particular poem that was written a along time ago, which made me wondering. It needed a closure..

I thought, I asked and I wondered

I found me…so I thought
Then I lost it, never thought would find it again..
But I did…so I thought!

Is it really me who I found…so I wondered
Is that what I want …so I asked
Is it going to stay forever…so I wondered, again

For what I’ve found, I have no regrets
And would hold on to it for a long time..
Will I, so I wonder?


Today, I found the perfect closure to the poem..…

But I’ve failed
I could not hold on to the real me,
I really thought I could
As what seems so right, was simply wrong,
What seems so good, was just ugly,
And what seems so real, was just an illusion.
So I thought, asked and wondered…
What game has god played?

Sand Art

This is superb. I never know, a single drawing can be transformed into different forms. Do enjoy this piece of art accompanied by superb saxophone music.

Sorrow

It was poring heavily here in putrajaya so i scribbled this....

Today as I gaze upon the pouring rain
It felt just like the wet tears from my eyes,
The dark gloomy clouds

felt just like my miserable feeling
The roaring thunder

felt just like my throbbing heart beat
And the cold wind on my face felt like my dead soul

The moment the rain stop pouring,

a bright shinny day emerged and
the tears from eyes fades away,

but the sorrow in my heart lingers

as the tears has failed to wash away my sorrow

**Shuba

It wasn't excellent but i was satisfied till i came across this and realised mine was nothing. Sigh!

In myself I feel a struggle

In my eyes, in my heart

In my body, here inside

Sadness in-between my ribs is set

Light from outside is not let

Words from my lips I cannot express

Everything becoming less and less

I hear people around me

But I don’t have a clue

I hear far-echoes from a distance

Help me god to force this through

This pain I want to let go

I only hear my heart throbbing

Rapidly beating

My only voice as I cry I hear

Tears like rain, hurrying down

As if cooling my ache from outside

My face tucked in, my hands folded tight

What is happening to me?

Am I alright?

I carry on – I deserve to cry

I deserve to let it out

This struggle, this pain

I deserve to express

Let me go on…

~ Bidwiya

"The American", by Henry James

I discovered classic through the writing of Jane Austeen especially Pride and Prejudice and Emma, my all time favorite book. Despite its twisted, complicated and confusing words and phrases, classic books have amazing story line and beautifully written.

After enjoying the hilarious and thrilling (almost 600 pages of) Three Musketeers, I switched to Henry James’ s “The American”. Set in 1868, the story follows the fortunes of Christopher Newman, a 19th-century "new man" who has amassed a fortune in California and heads to Europe to learn its ways and find a wife.

What I enjoyed most about Henry James writing was his ability to described things in so perfection, as non-other have described. Here are some of the phrases that truly touched my heart.

“They kept the pot boiling till it cracked and then they put it on the shelf altogether”

“People are proud only when they have something to loose, and humble when they have something to gain.”

“Old trees have crooked branches, old house have queer cracks, old races have odd secrets”

“Listening to everything and hearing nothing!”

“We have differences as blue and pink”

“What right have I to be happy when others have been most unhappy”

Above all, his manner to call the main character as “hero”, just as how I would address a man-though in anger and annoyance.

Good bye Dear Friend

One of my colleagues, PA to my former boss is being transferred out. Why? Because my boss don’t seems to like her. Why? No one actually knows. After a year of tolerating each other, she was finally transferred to different division at different floor. Worst still, its being backdated to mid Dismember 2007, which simply mean, your service in no longer needed here.

Wow! That much of hatred. Its sad how power and influence can change fate of another!

It feels sad. I guess almost everyone who has been working here for a long time feels the same. She is such a kind person and I dearly adore her. In her forties, she is independent, smart, amazingly fit (plays almost all kind of sports activity – in door or outdoor), travel a lot and above all have capability to collect kutu* money with no delays.

Today is her so call last day, and yet she took the responsibility to settle my kutu money before departing. I will miss her dearly. Good bye dear friend.

*kutu- A little fund collection, where people join in to pay certain amount money each month and take turn to obtained the fund. Some sort of savings with no interest.

Chimp for a Pet

Wah!Can even buy jumpers for him!

My love for dogs is varying off. Sigh! Life with Rusty is just like married life [Its only my thought. So people please don't get worked up]. First years was exiting (knowing me knowing you period), next two years was learning and understanding period (hmm, this is how commitment and responsibility feels like), the fourth year was tolerating period (regretting and banging head for eagerly getting a dog) and now its survival period (it means, Ohmmmm!).

Its not that I hate him, but he is just simply impossible. Arrhh! That’s how it feels at time. Yesterday, I had to deliberately drag him out to make him do his business and I had to fight food with him claiming it to be “MINE” like greedy monster so that he will finish his food. And at time, beg him to go with pa to fetch akka! Imagine that. Sigh!

So out of frustration, I blurted out, “The next time I am getting a pet it going to be a Chimpanzee! Smart, independent and charming!”

“Yeah! Just fill the fridge with milk and fruits and teach him how to open and eat by him self!”, said ma with joy.

Oh Rusty oi! Can’t leave with him and cant leave with him. Sigh

Weird Procedures!

A very very good friend of mine, Miss J finally decided to tie the knot (Oh yah, it took ages for her to decide! Phew!). Hence, decided to call upon the National Registration Department to enquire about the procedures. To my surprise, I soon I found out that in order for them to register in KL, she needs to change the address stated in her Identity Card. Wondering why?

This is because both of them are from two different states. In order to register in KL, they must have KL address. Yah, that’s absurd! Luckily he is from KL, so that just leaves Miss J to change. So the confusion now is, which address is she going to use? Her current address where she is renting now? Her finance’s address, which he is renting as well? Or may be her future house, which they are still-hunting for! Or better still, put “yet to be decided!”

Oh god, what a wacky procedure. Who cares which address it is when you register, at the end of the day we are all children of Malaysia, right!…Hmmm, now I am having a little doubt. This brings to whole lots of things going on my head now, which is a taboo to talk about as government servant! Sigh!

Actually, there is only one thing that matters, both are single at the point of marriage!

It's a Bird, No its a Plane..No its SUPERMAN!

Have you ever wonder how life of a journalist is always exhilarating compared to our 9 to five office job? Hmm, want to live life of Lois Lane from The Daily Planet, involving with adventure, mystery and romance with dashing Clark Kent? Try to catch him and the job is yours....and him as well, ;)

This is the coolest game ever! If this doesn't drive you crazy-- nothing will. Have Fun!!!

Click here: Superman Returns

This is the coolest and the best superman lived! Sigh!

Stupid Question!

People generally have high tendency to ask annoying questions. Most of the times they are ignorant and their counterpart have high level of tolerance to reply politely.

There are many common annoying question people tend to ask. Here are the top ten annoying question forwarded by a friend to me with the desirable answers.

Situation 1: At Movies

When you meet acquaintances/ friends at the movies

Question : Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:Well, it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre

Situation 2: In bus/LRT/Komuter When a fat girl (or any mankind) wearing pointed heeled steps on your feet

Questions: Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: No, not at all, I am on local anesthesia ..why don’t you try again or should I try this time

More classic: The best part is at times, when there is no sorry and you make funny noises, instead of getting apologies, they will give you the dirty look as though it was you the one that bang them and made their hells hurt.

Situation 3 : At Funeral

Question : Why, Why him, of all people
Answer: Why? Would it be rather that have been you?

Situation 4: At restaurant

Question : It the --- dish good
Answer: No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit on it

Situation 5 : Family Reunion

At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years

Question: You've become so big.
Answer: Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

More classic: Some would be as old as my mom and would say, I saw you this small(and they put their hand low facing downwards) , now you are so big

Situation 6: Wedding!

Question: Is the guy you are marrying good?
Answer: No, he is a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout..its just the money

More classic- wow you actually getting married!

Situation 7: Phone call at Midnight

Question : Sorry, were you sleeping
Answer: No, I was playing cricket for India at Shahrjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?


Situation 8: New hairdo(especially a short one)

Question: Hey hay you had a haircut?
Answer: No, its autumn and I am shedding

Situation 9: At Dentist/hair saloon

When sharp object pointed at your mouth

Question: Tell me if it hurts
Answer: and while I am telling you, you tell me if I bite

More classic: the shampoo girl scrubs the head with hey sharp nail and then uses her comb to pull the hair straight while drying it as ask, does it hurt?

Situation 10: Smoker

Question: Oh, so you smoke
Answer: No, its miracle, it was a chalk and now its in flame

.......However the most classics one was situation 11 and 12, My personal experience.

Situation 11: weight loss

Question 1: How did you gain so much weight?
Or
Question 2: Wah, you have sickness is it? Loss so much weight?

Situation 11: Vegetarian


Question: what do you cook and eat…masak kosong( use nothing)? Guna ikan belis(do you use anchovies) ? Boleh makan kuah sahaja (you can just eat the curry)?

The Silent Occupant

You know how some people claim life to be mysterious thing; I am begaining to believe so. Two weeks ago, while visiting my little sister at the hospital my aunt was explaning her fear for mouse and refuses to buy her friends house due to it. We were laughing at her not knowing what were ahead of us.

Recently there was was a silent occupant roaming around our house. Just a couple of days before Deepavali, Ma found him sitting in a pail trying to escape. Ma freaked out and did search party for his mother. How ever, it was nowhere to be found and Ma was very upset!

The next day, at past midnight, Rusty found him hiding inside Ma’s cupboard. The moment Ma opened the door, Rusty barged in and chased him out. He ran for its life. Knowing the mouse is still alive somewhere in the house, Ma was getting pretty scared. You never know what that little creature could do.

So the following day we did another search party. I soon found traces of his dropping in my cupboard. Not knowing if it belongs to lizard or mouse, I cleaned it up. Two days latter I found it again. Hmm, I soon realize it indeed belongs to him and my room become his connection to the kitchen.

Then Deepavali came, and we were preparing a birthday cake for a friend when we realized that the all the food stock had tinny holes in it. It has been surviving with my couscous, my biscuits and noodles. Ah ha…finally we found his hiding place. Unfortunately he was now where around.

That night coming back from the party I did a spot check to see any dropping in my room but was shocked to see my tinny bottles pushed to the ground from my window frame. Its either the mouse ran up to escape or rusty pushed the bottles while trying to chase the mouse away! With that, we were all getting more frustrated.

Finally, yesterday, as Ma was cleaning her drawer for real, she encountered him hiding quietly on the bottom drawer. The moment he saw Ma, he ran to my room. Ma quickly sprayed mosquito spray to make it drowsy and come out of the room. It indeed ran out and hide under the fridge.

Ma realized that she could not handle him alone and calls for Pa. Both had weapon in their hand, Ma with her spray and Pa with a broom. The moment she sprayed, it ran under the nearby gas tank. Ma got even more frustrated. This time she asked for my help and I decline to kill it. Both Ma and Pa were all ready in their position. Ma quickly spared and lifted the tank for Pa to beat but instead it missed and ran up and down and left and pushed a little wooden stick covered at the bottom of the door and ran out for its life. Sigh! Ma was finally relieved her thing was save.